A Soul At Work
My sister-in-law is very religious. VERY religious. I am the only person in the immediate family who speaks with her about her faith, her "religiosity," because I have a deep faith.
She has succeeded over the years to have created a religious distance between herself and her two brothers (one of whom is my husband) and her sister. Her siblings TRY to give my sister-in-law her rightful due when it comes to her religious views. By that I mean, they avoid in depth discussions about dogma and theology. They may not be comfortable in her house with all its icons, rosaries, holy water and religious books but they do not allow too harsh comments by her nieces and nephews and other family members. If she has said hurtful things about the state of their salvation or the fate of their immortal souls, they have been tolerant, all things considered. There have been some hurt feelings, but really the siblings have handled it with the utmost tact and tolerance.
BUT -- you knew it was coming, didn't you? -- I have received a series of emails from her lately that have left me angry. She is all upset about something my husband did and said on his last visit to the hometown. His immortal soul is at risk because he is not a believer and he went to Mass with her and received communion. (That DOES explain the pamphlet on Confession she sent in her Christmas card. I was a little confused at that but now it makes sence.) She doesn't want me to tell my husband that she is upset at him. She's quoting scripture, she says she is praying to the Holy Spirit so that she will express hersef correctly, she doesn't want to dampen someone's spiritual growth by "laying down the law". She says she only wants what God wants.
I am so angry that I can barely think straight.
This little diatribe began shortly after I merely sent her a photo of a beautiful fresco in a little church in the Hill Country of Texas.
I entered a question in TheAnswerBank.co.uk/ about how angry I was at this and I received some very helpful advice and a great deal of thoughtful understanding.
This is the first time I have ever put a question out there in the ethernet hoping for a little insight. In A Pickle, jno, gen2, Englishbird, and joko were wonderful. They helped me to understand that my respect of her faith and my own deep personal faith led her to believe that I completely agreed with her beliefs and that we were therefore "in a conspiracy" with those who did not believe. We could therefore talk about people behind their backs and keep secrets from them because we "want only what God wants -- their salvation." I was not about to agree to keep secrets from my husband, but if I told him of her rantings, he might feel a distance from her. I felt betrayed by her that she would put me in that position.
I was insulted because she not only overstepped her bounds in the dogma department but also and especially that she was "putting me in my place" and that place was of course inferior to people who were in full Communion with the Church. She was very dismissive of my daily prayers for those I loved, calling it "perfect Catholic theology," as if I had just been graded on a test. She wasn't interested in my views at all.
So not only did she interfere in my marriage but she also interfered in my faith.
In A Pickle encouraged me to not let this shake my own faith. jno encouraged me to continue to respect her faith but to remind myself that my own beliefs are held deeply enough that they are not disturbed by the rants of other, even others close to me. Englishbird suggested I consider if my sister-in-law was going through a bad time, lonely or sad. joko suggested that I tell her to talk directly to my husband rather than through me. All encouraged me to let my anger go.
I am working on letting my anger go. And in the meantime I have decided to refrain from religious discussions with my sister-in-law. I think I myself overstepped my bounds by ever letting her think that I was in complete agreement with her. I have decided to keep my thoughts to myself and work on my own relationship with God.
Lord knows I need it.
She has succeeded over the years to have created a religious distance between herself and her two brothers (one of whom is my husband) and her sister. Her siblings TRY to give my sister-in-law her rightful due when it comes to her religious views. By that I mean, they avoid in depth discussions about dogma and theology. They may not be comfortable in her house with all its icons, rosaries, holy water and religious books but they do not allow too harsh comments by her nieces and nephews and other family members. If she has said hurtful things about the state of their salvation or the fate of their immortal souls, they have been tolerant, all things considered. There have been some hurt feelings, but really the siblings have handled it with the utmost tact and tolerance.
BUT -- you knew it was coming, didn't you? -- I have received a series of emails from her lately that have left me angry. She is all upset about something my husband did and said on his last visit to the hometown. His immortal soul is at risk because he is not a believer and he went to Mass with her and received communion. (That DOES explain the pamphlet on Confession she sent in her Christmas card. I was a little confused at that but now it makes sence.) She doesn't want me to tell my husband that she is upset at him. She's quoting scripture, she says she is praying to the Holy Spirit so that she will express hersef correctly, she doesn't want to dampen someone's spiritual growth by "laying down the law". She says she only wants what God wants.
I am so angry that I can barely think straight.
This little diatribe began shortly after I merely sent her a photo of a beautiful fresco in a little church in the Hill Country of Texas.
I entered a question in TheAnswerBank.co.uk/ about how angry I was at this and I received some very helpful advice and a great deal of thoughtful understanding.
This is the first time I have ever put a question out there in the ethernet hoping for a little insight. In A Pickle, jno, gen2, Englishbird, and joko were wonderful. They helped me to understand that my respect of her faith and my own deep personal faith led her to believe that I completely agreed with her beliefs and that we were therefore "in a conspiracy" with those who did not believe. We could therefore talk about people behind their backs and keep secrets from them because we "want only what God wants -- their salvation." I was not about to agree to keep secrets from my husband, but if I told him of her rantings, he might feel a distance from her. I felt betrayed by her that she would put me in that position.
I was insulted because she not only overstepped her bounds in the dogma department but also and especially that she was "putting me in my place" and that place was of course inferior to people who were in full Communion with the Church. She was very dismissive of my daily prayers for those I loved, calling it "perfect Catholic theology," as if I had just been graded on a test. She wasn't interested in my views at all.
So not only did she interfere in my marriage but she also interfered in my faith.
In A Pickle encouraged me to not let this shake my own faith. jno encouraged me to continue to respect her faith but to remind myself that my own beliefs are held deeply enough that they are not disturbed by the rants of other, even others close to me. Englishbird suggested I consider if my sister-in-law was going through a bad time, lonely or sad. joko suggested that I tell her to talk directly to my husband rather than through me. All encouraged me to let my anger go.
I am working on letting my anger go. And in the meantime I have decided to refrain from religious discussions with my sister-in-law. I think I myself overstepped my bounds by ever letting her think that I was in complete agreement with her. I have decided to keep my thoughts to myself and work on my own relationship with God.
Lord knows I need it.
posted by PajamaGirl at
5:07 PM
2 Comments
