Annoying Habit

I have an annoying habit. I listen to radio to go to sleep. I listen with earbugs so it doesn't disturb my husband and I have a little Sony radio that tucks up under my pillow. The volume is low to protect my hearing.

If I go to bed without the radio, I toss and turn, fluff my pillow, move my legs. My restlessness disturbs my husband. If I finally get to sleep without it, I wake at 3:00 AM and will stay awake until about 4:30 AM when I fall into a very deep sleep and then can't wake up to get up in the morning.

Sometimes when I am sleeping with the radio bug in my ear, I have the oddest dreams. My dream is going in one direction and yet there is a person talking about something not related to the action. That is the radio.

This habit started 2o years ago when I moved out (divorce) and got hooked on meditation/relaxation tapes. I listened as I was laying in bed. You know the tapes: "relax your feet then your ankles, your calves" etc, going up your body until your breathe was slow and deliberate. Then this was followed by New Age music with subliminal messages. Affirmations of your basic worth and power to achieve inner peace.

I would listen to the tapes after long hard days at work and lonely evenings.

Then I thought, what if I misunderstand the subliminal messages and heard encouragement to -- oh, you know, go to work and pound my arrogant, self-important boss to a pulp.

So I changed to a little bedside radio and found this program in the dead of the might called Voices in the Night. It plays restful spiritually oriented music and the dj has a very calm voice. He asks deep questions that put me in a serene state of mind. I'm pretty sure that he would not urge me to harmful actions during my waking hours.

I discovered a problem. I would fall asleep and the radio would still be on. A program in the real dead of the night might have someone ranting and raving about -- oh, you know, sin and hell. That could be pretty upsetting to be floating along on a nice dream and someone in the corner persistently draws my attention to my shortcomings, of which there are many. In my waking hours my mind and my faith point me to propitiation of the Christ. But in the middle of the night some sins weigh heavier than intellect and faith can lighten.

So I went back to tapes but this time without the subliminal messaging. Still, I would wake at -- oh, you know, 3:00 AM and start thinking about work, people, family, pets, finances. On went the radio and a search commenced for a guided tour of tranquil landscapes.

That turned out to be as disturbing to relaxation as incessant thinking about work, people, family, pets, finances.

A little radio with earbugs and preset channels was the solution. Years ago I discovered this solution. I fall asleep to one and if an irritating program comes on later, I sleepily find the little radio and touch a preset.

And now here I am. I take my little radio with me on vacation, on business trips. I remember camping out on the Oregon coast and being fascinated at the division of radio reception at Cape Perpetua. In Yachats, I could get Seattle in the middle of the night, at the Oregon House, Sacramento.

I thought that I would wean myself this November when we went on a cruise through the Caribbean. I had no withdrawal symptoms. The lovely rolling of the ship was soothing. I haven't slept so well since -- oh, you know, before I started listening to electronic devices in the night.

I think, just go to bed, Pajama Girl. Take a bath in lavender; have a cup of chamomile tea and pop a supplement of calcium magnisium citrate; sneak up on sleep.

Doesn't work.

I'm relaxed and I think -- oh, you know, maybe just a few minutes of Radio Revisited Network. Just tonight. Tomorrow evening I'll give it up.