Fashion Flops 2005 -- WhooHooo!
I feel joyous when I hear the fashion industry flops on a new style so I read the WSJ’s Fashion Trap cover story in this weekend edition (10-15-05) with eagerness. Great article but I thought the WSJ was a little bland in analyzing why the fashion flops flopped. I thought I would help them out. You see, the fashion industry NEEDS a detailed discussion of fashion failures.
FASHION FAILURES, Fall 2005:
Ponchos – Who looks good in a poncho? If you have breasts, you look dumpy. If you are flat-chested, you look scrawny. But the biggest reason no one wants a poncho: it looks cheaply made, poorly constructed and misshapen. No matter the quality of the fabric or the skill of the seamstress, a poncho looks like it is on its way to the dollar bin of the nearest Thrift Store.
Bubble skirt – It looks like a costume you would rent rather than buy. You wear it once, everyone sees it, comments on it, and you put it away. What other occasion to wear it? Halloween? It is a one-evening dress where you stand rather than sit and always hold a cocktail because there is nowhere else to put your arms. Just looking at bubble skirts made my feet hurt.
Pencil skirts – A straight skirt in an expensive fabric, cut on the straight or on the bias, in black or a luscious jewel tone – oohh, I get shivers just thinking about it. But this season’s pencil skirts were sausage wear. Looking like a sausage isn’t pretty. Too tight, too thin, fault-enhancing, unbecoming. Who could sit in one of those things? And believe me if you thought you wanted this season’s pencil skirt, just find one lady on the bus at 5 o’clock wearing one. You would have thought, as I did, “Her girlfriends REALLY should talk to her about that.”
Military jackets – This season’s offering was over-embellished with pockets, flaps, D-rings, buttons, snaps and belts – all placed at least flattering positions on a woman’s body. Then add an impossibly high-cut armhole guaranteed to restrict circulation if you reach across a counter for a cup of coffee much less sit at your computer all day. No, not this year. I’ll wait.
FASHION COMPARITIVES, Fall 2005:
Cropped Pants vs. Gaucho Pants – DO I really need to state the broad difference between the two fashions? One looks as if your cheap pants shrunk in the wash and the other is the uniform of 19th century Argentine cowboys.
Velvet – I hear Velvet Blazers did well. They would because they are, well – VELVET blazers. Not shoes with velvet or skirts with a splash of velvet or a linen blouse with a velvet collar. Velvet paired with another fabric can be problematic. It’s a heavier fabric so it weighs down its partner. After a day at work you look roughed up in a commercial dryer. Also, velvet can be difficult to wash, expensive to dry clean. Velvet bleeds all over other clothing in the wash. There is no way to iron velvet. Besides, velvet inappropriately worn makes you look unintelligent. You know what I’m talking about.
Pointy-toed shoes and stiletto heels – See above about looking unintelligent. There is only one way to wear these and look good at the same time: don’t walk. Sit, lounge, and recline, preferably with an Argentinean cowboy. Women who walk in these things ought to have themselves videotaped in action – graceless, lumbering, gawky, goofy – and they would never be seen on the street in those contraptions again. It is no wonder that round toed footwear and subtle platform shoes are selling so well. Perhaps the women teetering around in fashion-victim stilettos saw themselves in a plate glass window. Or maybe their corns got so painful they had to do something drastic like buy footwear that fit.
Big peasant skirts vs. sequin-chiffon full skirts – Yes, I know that last year big peasant skirts were a big hit with the younger crowd. During the summer we saw many a big skirt while shopping at Whole Foods, often paired with tight legged jeans and pretty sandals. It looks best when worn by very thin girls. Listen, this fashion was an extension of Sante Fe broom skirts with handsome cowboy boots. But let’s not get big headed and call the sequin-chiffon full skirt an outgrowth of the peasant skirt. These two are as related as a mood ring is to a honker brilliant-cut diamond set in white gold. One you wear to a fashionable grocery store and the other you wear on your first date with that Argentinean cowboy.
Ahh, the foibles of the fashion industry. I do so enjoy fun at its expense. And I love the industry too. What other big corporate entity would offer up a coyote fur-lined vest without apology. How counter-culture. How "in your face" confident. Makes shivers run up my spine. I do want one. Without apology.
FASHION FAILURES, Fall 2005:
Ponchos – Who looks good in a poncho? If you have breasts, you look dumpy. If you are flat-chested, you look scrawny. But the biggest reason no one wants a poncho: it looks cheaply made, poorly constructed and misshapen. No matter the quality of the fabric or the skill of the seamstress, a poncho looks like it is on its way to the dollar bin of the nearest Thrift Store.
Bubble skirt – It looks like a costume you would rent rather than buy. You wear it once, everyone sees it, comments on it, and you put it away. What other occasion to wear it? Halloween? It is a one-evening dress where you stand rather than sit and always hold a cocktail because there is nowhere else to put your arms. Just looking at bubble skirts made my feet hurt.
Pencil skirts – A straight skirt in an expensive fabric, cut on the straight or on the bias, in black or a luscious jewel tone – oohh, I get shivers just thinking about it. But this season’s pencil skirts were sausage wear. Looking like a sausage isn’t pretty. Too tight, too thin, fault-enhancing, unbecoming. Who could sit in one of those things? And believe me if you thought you wanted this season’s pencil skirt, just find one lady on the bus at 5 o’clock wearing one. You would have thought, as I did, “Her girlfriends REALLY should talk to her about that.”
Military jackets – This season’s offering was over-embellished with pockets, flaps, D-rings, buttons, snaps and belts – all placed at least flattering positions on a woman’s body. Then add an impossibly high-cut armhole guaranteed to restrict circulation if you reach across a counter for a cup of coffee much less sit at your computer all day. No, not this year. I’ll wait.
FASHION COMPARITIVES, Fall 2005:
Cropped Pants vs. Gaucho Pants – DO I really need to state the broad difference between the two fashions? One looks as if your cheap pants shrunk in the wash and the other is the uniform of 19th century Argentine cowboys.
Velvet – I hear Velvet Blazers did well. They would because they are, well – VELVET blazers. Not shoes with velvet or skirts with a splash of velvet or a linen blouse with a velvet collar. Velvet paired with another fabric can be problematic. It’s a heavier fabric so it weighs down its partner. After a day at work you look roughed up in a commercial dryer. Also, velvet can be difficult to wash, expensive to dry clean. Velvet bleeds all over other clothing in the wash. There is no way to iron velvet. Besides, velvet inappropriately worn makes you look unintelligent. You know what I’m talking about.
Pointy-toed shoes and stiletto heels – See above about looking unintelligent. There is only one way to wear these and look good at the same time: don’t walk. Sit, lounge, and recline, preferably with an Argentinean cowboy. Women who walk in these things ought to have themselves videotaped in action – graceless, lumbering, gawky, goofy – and they would never be seen on the street in those contraptions again. It is no wonder that round toed footwear and subtle platform shoes are selling so well. Perhaps the women teetering around in fashion-victim stilettos saw themselves in a plate glass window. Or maybe their corns got so painful they had to do something drastic like buy footwear that fit.
Big peasant skirts vs. sequin-chiffon full skirts – Yes, I know that last year big peasant skirts were a big hit with the younger crowd. During the summer we saw many a big skirt while shopping at Whole Foods, often paired with tight legged jeans and pretty sandals. It looks best when worn by very thin girls. Listen, this fashion was an extension of Sante Fe broom skirts with handsome cowboy boots. But let’s not get big headed and call the sequin-chiffon full skirt an outgrowth of the peasant skirt. These two are as related as a mood ring is to a honker brilliant-cut diamond set in white gold. One you wear to a fashionable grocery store and the other you wear on your first date with that Argentinean cowboy.
Ahh, the foibles of the fashion industry. I do so enjoy fun at its expense. And I love the industry too. What other big corporate entity would offer up a coyote fur-lined vest without apology. How counter-culture. How "in your face" confident. Makes shivers run up my spine. I do want one. Without apology.
posted by PajamaGirl at
4:51 PM
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